Saturday, May 30, 2009

My latest huge decision

I have never created a blog because, really, my life was not all that interesting. I'm not sure it's all that interesting now, but it definitely is different. I was married for 10 years, so I wasn't really required to make too many life altering decisions on my own. Now, though, it's all me. I am now supposed to decide what is best for my little family of three. I have to balance what's best for me, what's easiest for me, what's best for the kids, and what's easiest for them. I have to think about short term and long term impact.
I will not-so-briefly tell you what I am having trouble deciding and hopefully someone will respond in a way that makes me realize what I should do. I have gone back and forth so many times between the two decisions that I now question my sanity. So here goes..
I have this 2 year degree in Business and Management and aside from the fact that it is the most generic degree possible there is the fact that I am not interested in using it for anything and it is still only a 2 year degree.

Choice #1... I can move up to NY, stay in the little pseudo apartment upstairs in my mom's house for free. The kids will go to RP Connor full time. I will have to wait a year to establish residency but then I can go to school up there for sonography and it will take 2 years. I'll have help on the weekends and at night but as far as the day to day stuff I won't. Because the kids' school starts so late and ends so early, I'm concerned about how exactly I will get them to and from school because my classes will start earlier and end later than theirs. Then there is the weather and the cost of living issue. I hear it is really cold and really expensive to live up there! Everyone that I talk to that lives up there thinks I'm crazy for wanting to move back because of those reasons. But the kids would have family nearby and we have never had that. Plus I could get away with working a little part time job and be fine financially since I get child support and have savings.

Choice #2...I can stay down here, find a cheap apartment, take my pre-requisite classes and start sonography school in a year (regardless of whether I stay or go it looks like I will be starting school the same time). The kids would be closer to their Dad, but since he can travel extensively (takes contracts for months and months at a time), I'm not sure how much he would actually be here. In fact, he has told me not to base my decision on him b/c he just doesn't know what the future holds. But the kids are familiar with Florida, it's cheaper to live here, the weather is sooo much better, the kids would still be able to see their friends, and we wouldn't have to make the big move. I would however have to get a more full time job while going to school. Then there is the issue of the little one not being able to start school here yet. the cut-off is earlier than NY so he wold actually have to do a year of pre-k. it's free down here though, so I would just have to pay for after care. There are a lot of stay at home moms down here so I could probably find people to help out with getting them to and from school easier than up there. I am not so sure if we could stay in this exact area though so I may have to start over anyway.

I have always regretted not moving Suffern when I had the chance, I think it's so important for the kids and for me to be around extended family. I hate that I miss all the bridal and baby showers, bbq's and birthdays. But down here is familiar to me and we have so much fun going to the beach and playing at the parks all winter long. Truthfully though, I'm wondering how often I could enjoy that stuff if I stay down here though since I will have to work and go to school. Maybe I should move up there until I finish school then move back down here if the climate and cost of living bother me too much? I'll tell you one of the main reasons I have trouble with the idea of moving up there is b/c of the kids' friends. They have tons of friends on our street and they are all running between the houses constantly. They are sensitive kids, I'm afraid of moving them from their buddies. Truthfully though, I can't stay in my house so we will be moving regardless, it's just a matter of how far we go. I have emailed the teachers at RP Connor and asked them to give out my number to other 1st grade parents so I can have my kids meet their kids before school starts so my kids won't feel so out of place. No response. Another random problem with moving up there is my school will cost twice as much. I imagine I'll get some financial aide since our divorce papers say I am the one who claims the kids on my taxes. So maybe that won't be an issue. Do you see why I can't decide?? There are so many pros and cons on each side! So, anyone that has made it this far..could you please tell me what you would do if you were me?